Astrological Insights on Love, Family, Marriage, and Sex
Jennifer Freed, PhD
People call me from all over the world asking for help to find love, or to rekindle romance in a long-term relationship, or to get reassurance that they are not horrible people because they want to end a long-term marriage for a lack of passion.
Long-term relationships are tasked with maintaining common interests and clear communications, deepening emotional intimacy and security, and sustaining romantic ardor. For many people, the complex balance of these tasks proves stressful or unrealistic. They want to know: Am I messing up my relationship, or is this relationship wrong for me? Is something wrong with me, or with my relationship?
Why is it, so often, that the romance we crave fades over time in a well-functioning marriage? Why is it that sometimes, the hottest romantic connections fail to turn into substantial relationships? How come the lust and longing that often mark the start of love relationships turn into less sparkly, comfortable friendship in a long-term union? Why is it so hard to juggle all the roles of family, love, and commitment? Why do so many women and men seek romance outside of marriage?
Astrologically speaking, romance has never been linked to creating a family, or with sustaining intimate one-to-one contracts.
Romance has a sector all its own; marriage, family, and sex have their own “houses,” and these areas of experience are not astrologically related. We can learn much from these distinctions, which are based on thousands of years of astrological observation and interpretation.
The romance sector in the astrological houses is ruled by the Sun and associated with the sign of Leo. The fire of passion here is tied to the upwelling of creativity and self-expression. It is about adoration, admiration, and affection. When we are “in Love,” we are basically in a bubble of a positive narcissistic reflection. We feel aglow, lit up, and shining as our most idealized selves. We are floating on air above the rubble of our imperfections and petty complaints.
During a romantic courtship, we are our most attractive and most innocent selves. We return to a childlike state of wonder wherein everything we do or say – or that our beloved does or says – has a magical quality. Romance necessitates a suspension of reality in favor of an undiscriminating ardor that glosses over concerns and highlights possibilities. To maintain a romance over time, people need to let go of the mundane and escape to timeless wonder. After the first two years of any relationship, incredible willpower is required to resist the lull of repetition and reinvent stardust.
According to the ancients, the house of marriage ruled by Libra is about social harmony, balance, and reciprocity. This sector is ruled by Venus in the sign of Libra. Partnerships are about the balance of give and take; this is why the traditional balance of male provider and female nurturer was such a successful model for so long. Marriage, in this case, is about complimentary roles and a more dispassionate aesthetic about the scales of responsibility.
Marriage contracts have more to do with diplomacy, peacekeeping, and sociability than passion. The ancients realized that for any relationship contract to persevere, folks would need to negotiate frequently and be interested in a win/win scenario. All the happy couples I know have figured out a way to share the daily and the visionary goals of the relationship in an equitable and reasonable way. These couples have worked out a spoken and unspoken code about who does what and how it gets done without a lot of quibbling or scorekeeping. Marriages often fall into trouble when one person is the over-functioner and the other is the under-functioner. There is a critical imbalance between the partners; one feels roiling resentment and the other feels nastily nagged.
Marriages that shine over time include the sociable talent of a great humorous repartee and the ability to share friends and interests that elevate the strengths of both parties.
Family has a special section all to itself in astrology, and is ruled by the Moon in the sign of Cancer. This house is defined by nurturing, protecting, and emotional vulnerability. Family is seen as a bond held together by the parental instincts to take care of others and provide a safe space for children to develop and grow. Families that thrive feel a close emotional connection maintained by a consistent attention to each other's needs.
When we grow up knowing that our caregivers understand us, and we can depend on them, then we are most confident and secure. If we are in families where the parents are immature themselves and are emotionally unstable, we feel wobbly inside and have difficulty finding a stable footing in our own relationships and lives. When we have family standards, values and rituals that create reliable emotional scaffolding, we learn that the world too is a home to us. If our families are filled with disorder and dysfunction, we tend to approach the outside world with more trepidation and defensiveness. Thus, in astrological terms, family is a place for shelter, tenderness, and the security of survival, both practically and emotionally; a place for loyal, persistent, and trustworthy kinship.
SEX is another domain, or house , in astrology altogether.
Sex is associated with the eighth house and the sign of scorpio. It is about intimacy created when shares bodily fluids like saliva, cum, and lubrication. This connection has to do with primal animalistic desires and primordial and often forbidden fantasies and desires. Sexuality has more to do with chemistry than social or familial instincts.
Anyone who has had mind blowing sex knows that the last thing you are thinking about is chores, parenting, or looking good. You have to lose all your head roles to merge with another
The eighth of sex is where the uncensored comes to life, and it is free from identities and expectations.
When we realize that we have collapsed all these distinct categories into a singular expectation of a successful marriage, we can see why so many people are feeling inadequate or disappointed.
Helping people realize that family, romance, sex, and contractual relationships are different entities requiring unique skill sets can ease the burden of expectation, and can guide people to explore the necessities of each area of life with more clarity.
We all need to be merciful, patient, and kind to ourselves when we drop one of the juggling balls of relating. On the days where we miraculously blend romance, family, sex, and marriage in a symphony of fulfillment, we are both exceptionally graced, and embodying a brief pinnacle of temporary balance.
Mostly we are all longing for those moments when juggling all those things works.
Love to all you jugglers, and those who long to juggle
!
Jennifer
This makes absolute sense. But also makes it seem impossible to combine all the elements in one relationship. I feel like we should all be having two separate types of relationships lol.
Our relationship was actually strong in all phases and quite successful. However over the years it seemed something was missing. That was house number eight. It had grown stale. After much discussion we finally agreed to let others into that house. Was it perfect, no, never, however the long term upside has produced a much stronger bond in our relationship.
Ms. K